Back in my 20s, my then-husband was in medical school and we were part of a student and spouse friend group that included a slightly older couple (like 4 years older, but that felt ancient at the time). The husband was in the Air Force and chose to attend medical school a few years after college. He had been through the Air Force Academy and that path included leadership training. Combined with his always-chipper demeanor, this made him the group’s dad/coach. He was always pointing out the ways people contributed.

This was a group of friends. We didn’t need a leader - we were just hanging out - but he couldn’t help himself. The guy was a leader and he built teams. He was a master of positive reinforcement and even though I haven’t seen him in 20 years, he influences me to this day. “Strong work”, “thinking team” and “speeding around making things happen,” are all phrases I still use. Making a group feel like a team is actually magical.

The thing about having someone notice and point out what you’re doing well is that it feels really good. It makes you like the person who notices. You feel a loyalty to them and look forward to having them around because you know they appreciate you and what you contribute. 

It also makes you want to keep doing well in hopes they’ll keep calling out your contributions. If you’re one of the people overhearing the praise, you start thinking about how you could “think team” too.

You start to focus on the good of the group and how you can be part of making it better. It’s a really effective leadership technique, but it’s also just a fantastic way to approach life. 

Sure, this can be overdone, feel fake, or come off as manipulative, but when it’s genuine, it’s golden. I’ve let this mindset slip away in recent years. It’s easy to fall into a habit of focusing on everything people do wrong. Criticism is a major aspect of social media and the current culture. It can be contagious. I’m making a conscious effort to turn this around. Positive reinforcement can be contagious too. Start “thinking team” and call out the ways people use their talents to contribute, then watch what happens. We aren’t all cut out to be leaders, but we can certainly all use more people in our lives who point out the positive.

I’m not saying you’ll get similar results, but our old friend has ranked up to colonel and now oversees one of the largest military medical centers in the country. That’s a very big team. Look at him speeding around making things happen! 

Strong work, sir. ❤️ 

~ Liv Olsen